Tuesday, 29 October 2019

The CIA is offering…privacy advice? For trick-or-treaters? WTF?

I don't think I ever related to the White Guy Blinking Meme as much as I did after this tweet crossed my timeline.

I did in fact click through to their "CIA Kids Guide: 5 Ways To Stay Covert This Halloween" and I…I don't even know where to begin.

5 ways to stay covert this Halloween The basics: Changing your hair, height, build, clothing or age is the first step to a convincing disguise. Why? Because these are the things people usually notice first about one another. Try wearing a ball cap or hoodie to hide your natural hair. Use makeup to add a few wrinkles and a sun spot to look a little bit older. Platform shoes can give you extra height, and layers under your clothing can make you appear larger. Think simple: If you’re on a mission in a remote part of the world, do you really have time to put on a wig, change your entire outfit, add a fake mustache, and do a full makeup routine? Probably not. Instead, opt for simple changes like adding a hat and sunglasses. Dual-purpose: When buying clothing or props for your next disguise, look for reversible items that you can use in a variety of ways. For example, a bag with removable straps can be worn as a backpack or carried like a duffel bag. A double-sided shawl instead of a plain scarf can be worn in countless ways in a variety of outfits. Space saving: Items that can be easily hidden or packed away are very useful for a disguise. Carrying a water bottle? Bring a collapsible one that you can hide in your pocket when empty. A jacket that can be tightly packed will save you the headache of carrying a bulky overcoat. Be aware of your “giveaways”: No matter how hard you try, there are going to be certain features that will be hard to disguise. Maybe it’s a small limp in your step from an old injury or the nervous habit of biting your nails. Whatever it is, the best thing to do is to become self-aware. Chat with your family or friends to figure out what your unique “giveaways” might be so that you can downplay them while in disguise.

I kind of love this as a piece of propaganda because the first tip and the last three are at least useful (if completely fucking obvious for anyone who's ever watched a spy movie). But then there's #2, "Think Simple," which … I know this is meant for the CIA's kids' outreach section, but come on. You're not even pretending that you're not indoctrinating kids to make it easier to surveil them!

I guess it'd be too much to hope for that the CIA might offer helpful advice on VPNs and anti-surveillance attire—but even then, I probably wouldn't trust it.

Image via Katerha/Flickr



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